My body reacted differently to stress or disappointment.
It could be too much crying,
Too much shopping
Too much sleeping
Too much comfort eating
Too much melody
Too much poems and melancholy
And too much of nothing.
.
These need to stop.
And i need to go back to basic.
Of examining my heart and soul.

Jika malu itu satu dosa.
Jika manja itu satu kekurangan.
Jika berterus terang itu satu kesalahan.

Maka jelas bersuluh aku pesalah terulung.
.
.
Maafkanku

"Shaytan works by exploiting our own weaknesses and attachments. If we have trouble with tawakul (reliance on God), he will exploit our lack of firm footing, to make us constantly hesitant and afraid of the unknown. He will bombard us with irrational fears. He uses our chains against us. But we create those chains, thru our need for control. The greatest shield against shaytan is tawakul. It gives him nothing to chain us with. Tawakul frees us from ourselves and the bondage of fear. The bondage of shaytan."

Yasmin Mogahed

Lama aku termenung atas pelawaan itu.
Tergolongkah aku dalam kategori manusia tiada bersyukur atau bagaimana?
.
.

heavier

Salam.

when i was 47- 48kg (with no diet- i just had less appetite due to packed schedule, adjusting and balancing between work and studies).

that time, mak and basu were kinda worried coz according to them, i looked cengkung (my face and my arms).

and then in nov 2014, we went to grand lexis PD for a week. I love all those western breakfast and pastries that i gained a kilo for a week. that makes me 48-49kg.

and in nov-dec 2015, i went for SPM marking. I marked 300++ scripts and those made me stressed (though i gained lots of experience and knowledge). So during this stressful period, I cooked, baked and ate a lot of cheesy and sweet food. Those pizza, pastas, cakes, etc were mostly craved and for comfort eating. my weight hiked up to 52kg.
ok... now it had reached 50s!

and towards the end of 2016, i noticed my increasing appetite, bigger portion of food (rice, etc) and craves for food becoming more frequent. i also noticed that my baju kurung and other clothes were not that 'loose' anymore. of course i could see my cheeks are chubbier and other parts are getting 'chubby' too. so the first person who made it clear to me that im getting 'bigger' is bame, then my students, then my SILS, bani, then my colleagues. and of course la mak abah n basu dont mind and love seeing me eating more and gaining more kgs.

i dont mind people making fuss bout my weight or saying that im 'berisi'- coz i do agree with them. lol.
the thing is, im not comfortable with chubbier cheeks and other bulging parts. im not overweight as according to BMI- im still in ideal weight but i dont feel quite comfortable.

so i guess 2017, i shall be back to less than 50kgs? ahahahaa. ive never done any kind of diet before. it is all based on my appetite. but yeah, must eat healthily la kannn..

and please, jgnlah goda me with food. i tak kuaddd..ahahaa choi!

ps. kurus, slim, berisi, gemuk, tembam etc are all very subjective. some would say 55kg isnt heavy and some would say otherwise. So yeah :)

"Sekiranya hajat kita yang dipaut melalui doa tidak dimakbulkan, ianya antara dua; Sama ada kerana hati yang berhajat itu masih berlumut dengan maksiat, ataupun aturan Allah untuk tidak memakbulkannya adalah lebih baik buat kita."

Kredit : QuranicGen

AKU NANGIS 😭

Acapkali yang paling kita sakit
Dan yang paling kerap kita sakiti
Adalah yg paling banyak cinta kita padanya.