Di matamu

Salam.

SUFIAN SUHAIMI 

Di matamu

Apakah kau cuba untuk menafikan
Keikhlasan hatiku padamu
Betapa ku mencuba
Mendapatkan secebis kasih mu

Apakah kau tak mampu untuk menentukan
Di antara kaca dan permata
Betapa telahan mu
Memaksa ku mengundurkan diri

Dan tak seharusnya aku
Bertemu dirimu di dunia ini
Dan kau membuang diriku sesuka hati mu
Dan memilih dia
Dan ku tersandar begini
Meratapi hati yang telah dilukai
Aku sedar betapa hinanya
Ku di matamu

Namun jika ku diperlukan, dan diterima
Izinkan ku menagih kasihmu
Namun jika ku ditolak, tak diperlukan
Buang segala tentang ku

Dan tak seharusnya aku
Bertemu dirimu di dunia ini
Dan kau membuang diriku sesuka hatimu
Dan memilih dia
Dan ku tersandar begini
Meratapi hati yang telah dilukai
Aku sedar betapa hinanya
Ku di matamu

source of lyrics: AZlyrics

*****************************************************

I've never really listened to Sufian Suhaimi's (SS) songs before.
Never really know the person until his engagement to EL was made known and later, their break up and latest, that his ex-fiancee is now a wife to another guy.

i know that "di matamu" is a controversial song as it kinda relates well to SS's history. Plus, the song went famous after their break up. BUT still, i've never really listened to the song. i even change to a different radio channel when the song was played.
i have no interest at all towards the song.

well...until i watched his performance in AJL 2019 - that i shared bout it with my friend, N; bout SS 'pelamin anganku musnah' concept, bout him sitting alone on the dais' bench, bout his feelings while singing the song and bout the standing-o and tears from the audience when he performed the song.

and...
my friend told me that he could feel the song, that the song shared the same story and feelings as his, then only i started to listen and understand the lyrics.

yes.
it's about cinta yang tidak kesampaian.

so let's talk about putus cinta.
i think everyone might have experienced it at least once in their life.
but the reasons for it to happen might be different.
it might be caused by you,
...by him/ her,
...by others,
or by the circumstances.

Nevertheless,
none of the reasons would ever make one smile nor glad,
until one finds the bountiful blessings hidden behind it.

until then, keep on praying, keep on working towards inviting your destiny.
i purposely said  'inviting' rather than 'finding' the one as same like rezqi, it is maqtub - being written and destined by ALLAH SWT.
same as rezqi, we didnt find them, but we invite and pray that the rezqi that we receive are blessed and would be the source of happiness and the increment of iman and benefit us in dunya wal akhirah.

i didnt write this for my broken-hearted friends.
im writing this for myself, whom had experienced being in the state of denial and broken-hearted too.
whom experience the bitterness of 'cinta tidak kesampaian' too. :)
im writing this as a reminder for myself.

ps. #notetoself . bangun sahabat-sahabatku.

Throwback

And i wont share the answer.
.
.
I could #tb jan & feb in so many ways. I remember things almost vividly, especially from 2008 onwards.
Last year, early feb was the time that i was busy preparing myself for umrah.
.
It has been almost a year. Ive heard many ustazs and ustazahs mentioned that we could self-check our umrah, whether it's mabrur or not by evaluating ourselves. Are we becoming a better person?
.
I know the answer. Be it in terms of ibadah, akhlaq, ikhtilat and aurah..
I know the answer.

Envy

My friend envied me to the fact that i could meet my parents every week..
Little that she knows, i kinda envied her for having the blessing to meet her own little family every time she returns home, everyday.

Each and every one of us has their own rezqi though at times, all we see is that the grass is always greener from the other side. I might have rezqi that other people do not have and vice versa.
Same goes with difficulties or adversities. Who are we to say that other people are more  blessed than us or have less responsibilities, difficulties, adversities than us?

Let's be matured.
Be grateful for everything that we have.
Work hard, pray earnestly and give more as to achieve what we think we 'should' have or want to have or need to have.
Stop labelling each other as "having less responsibilities" or "more blessed" or "having no problems";
as what we see- their smiles, laughters and happiness might not really show the struggles inside their heart and mind.

Always remember that sometimes we couldnt have everything.
But all the things that we have, are more than just enough for us.

And sometimes, we could have everything.
But it is just not there yet for us. It also depends on how do we define everything.

Be grateful for everything that we have; for when we lose even one slight nikmat from the many of them that he has bestowed upon us, only then we would realize that we have everything that HE wants us to have, that we have more than enough.

I'm not reminding this to anyone except my own self.
Sometimes i compared myself with other people in a negative way. And of course, it should not happen like that. If comparison is made, it should be as a motivation to achieve and do better, positively.
This is indeed a reminder to myself. Yes, i remind myself by writing my thoughts; one of the ways, of course.

160915

12.12.18

Aku, kamu, kita...

Tak pernah tak sayang.
But i just dont know how to start.

BERKAT MASA

Salam.

i once read and it says - if you want to know whether your time is blessed or the opposite, just look at :
a) how and what you spend your time with
and
b) whether you still manage to do all the good deeds, qur'an recitations and complimentary prayers that you used to do, or are they now being replaced with other 'secondary' matters?
.
.
Last night, i went to mesjid.
As usual, i would take out my notebook and check the dates of my previous notes- it was dated back to 310818. and yesterday was 281018.
almost 2 months, i FAILED to visit the 'raudhah', surrounded by the angels.
i had missed those blessings and it got me into reflecting the matters that i did, that had caused me to lose such opportunities.

ps. BERKAT MASA ITU APA JIKA KAU TIADA MASA KHAS UNTUK DIA?

Be STRONG