heavier

Salam.

when i was 47- 48kg (with no diet- i just had less appetite due to packed schedule, adjusting and balancing between work and studies).

that time, mak and basu were kinda worried coz according to them, i looked cengkung (my face and my arms).

and then in nov 2014, we went to grand lexis PD for a week. I love all those western breakfast and pastries that i gained a kilo for a week. that makes me 48-49kg.

and in nov-dec 2015, i went for SPM marking. I marked 300++ scripts and those made me stressed (though i gained lots of experience and knowledge). So during this stressful period, I cooked, baked and ate a lot of cheesy and sweet food. Those pizza, pastas, cakes, etc were mostly craved and for comfort eating. my weight hiked up to 52kg.
ok... now it had reached 50s!

and towards the end of 2016, i noticed my increasing appetite, bigger portion of food (rice, etc) and craves for food becoming more frequent. i also noticed that my baju kurung and other clothes were not that 'loose' anymore. of course i could see my cheeks are chubbier and other parts are getting 'chubby' too. so the first person who made it clear to me that im getting 'bigger' is bame, then my students, then my SILS, bani, then my colleagues. and of course la mak abah n basu dont mind and love seeing me eating more and gaining more kgs.

i dont mind people making fuss bout my weight or saying that im 'berisi'- coz i do agree with them. lol.
the thing is, im not comfortable with chubbier cheeks and other bulging parts. im not overweight as according to BMI- im still in ideal weight but i dont feel quite comfortable.

so i guess 2017, i shall be back to less than 50kgs? ahahahaa. ive never done any kind of diet before. it is all based on my appetite. but yeah, must eat healthily la kannn..

and please, jgnlah goda me with food. i tak kuaddd..ahahaa choi!

ps. kurus, slim, berisi, gemuk, tembam etc are all very subjective. some would say 55kg isnt heavy and some would say otherwise. So yeah :)

"Sekiranya hajat kita yang dipaut melalui doa tidak dimakbulkan, ianya antara dua; Sama ada kerana hati yang berhajat itu masih berlumut dengan maksiat, ataupun aturan Allah untuk tidak memakbulkannya adalah lebih baik buat kita."

Kredit : QuranicGen

AKU NANGIS 😭

Acapkali yang paling kita sakit
Dan yang paling kerap kita sakiti
Adalah yg paling banyak cinta kita padanya.

Salam.

17122016

Hilang kata, bicara dan gaya
untuk persembahkan 1001 kata
walau hakikatnya pelbagai medium sedia tertadah
untuk meluah dan mengungkap hari tujuhbelasduabelas.
.
setiap itu
hanya mampu ukir dengan doa dan fatihah
moga sentiasa dalam rahmat Ilahi.
.
hadiah di setiap kali tujuhbelasduabelas.

Salam.


keep
.
be
.
and
.
stay positive sara.

be kind inside out.
smile and dont lose hope. HE is there.

Setiap kali birthday
Setiap kali merdeka
Setiap kali hari malaysia
Setiap kali itu jugalah ia remuk semula.
Dan lebih parah bila ia bukan sahaja di hari yang dinyata sahaja.

I could sense that my time with my parents especially my mom is getting shorter and shorter.

I miss her and i would easily cry when i think of her. Sometimes when she sleeps, i gaze at her. Sometimes when she's standing in the kitchen, cutting the vegetables, i would sneak a look at her. Sometimes when she eats, i would sit and admire her face, and herself, enjoying simple dishes on plate. I noticed her tired body and decreasing energy. The woman who gv birth to me and raise me up and still care for me. I feel so bad for not helping her out much.

O Allah, how much time do i hv in this world?
I plea to You dear Lord..not to end mine nor her(and father) until i could repay their kindness, loves, cares and endless sacrifices to the point that they could feel comfort and grateful to You for having a daughter like me. And to the point that they could be one of the reasons for me to be able to get into Your jannah with them.

Salam.


MINDA vs HATI
LOGIK vs RASA

What are your 3 lowest points in life?

1. 12 dec 2014, friday, 10.30pm.
Was emotionally and physically exhausted. 

i lost words to describe it, but plenty of tears to shed. 

2. During my MA years.
Those sleepless nights, stress, long hour driving, nomad between sp-ipoh-tg malim, staying overnight at different hotels alone without my winglady, etc..
they spelt CHALLENGES, SWEAT AND TEARS.

3. When things happen.
And im well aware of its symptom; when my heart is less attached to HIM..

Ps. Being and doing good is easy when it is only for one day. But when consistency is involved, easy could become lazy and no longer breezy.
I could feel that im becoming more and more sinful.
And i hate it when i couldnt handle 'istiqomah'. T_T

9 nyawa?

2 situasi yang mungkin adalah terakhir tapi bersyukur masih ada saat berikutnya.. :

1. Lokasi: PHL ipoh. Lepas tgk jualan gudang the store. Aku cross jalan lepas toleh kiri kanan kiri.. dan tiba2 muncul lori laju di selekoh.
Lori berhenti mngejut betul2 sedepa dari aku.
.
Memang betul mcm dalam drama. Klau org kene langgar, dia memang terpaku kat tengah jalan.. tak sempat lari or elak (dulu selalu cakap...awatlah mangsa tak mengelak..awatlah duk diam tgh jalan situ klo dh nmpk kereta..lol..). Tapi bila dah kena sendiri, baru faham maksud 'terpana'.

2. Lokasi: perth, australia.
Aku, dan 3 member memandu sendiri sepanjang berada di perth. Lesen didaftarkan atas nama member aku..dan aku sebagai navigator di sebelah driver. Masa tu malam kat traffic light simpang empat. Kami nak masuk kanan. Lampu traffic pun dh hijau. So, beloklah kami ke kanan dgn yakin dan tiba2 datang taxi dari arah hadapan kanan jalan laju.
Dua2 kereta brake mengejut. Jarak antara aku dan taxi hanyalah beberapa inci. Kalau kami berhenti dan taxi tu memecut, maka hentaman pertama adalah pada side aku.
Terkejut..tapi aku cuba bertenang. Itu baru malam pertama. Kalau aku panik, squad percutian akan turut terasa.
Peraturan lalu lintas di australia ialah utk mengutamakan kenderaan kanan. Meaning, kalau dua2 bahagian traffic lampu hijau, haruslah beri laluan pada kenderaan di kanan.

Peluang kedua untuk belajar dan selamat. Alhamdulillah.

Bila kau mula abaikan Tuhan,
Dahi dan sejadah berpisah sudah berzaman,
Kitab suci lama tidak bersentuhan,
Yang dibuat ialah larangan,
Yang ditinggal ialah suruhan,
Maka kau akan lihat perubahan,
Kehidupan hilang tenang perlahan-lahan,
Hidup lengkap tapi kusut tiada berkesudahan.
.
Perhatikan.

CatatanRamadhan1437H

Malam 30 Ramadhan
Mesjid AnNur.

Tadi blackout tiba-tiba.
ada yg terjerit.
ada yg termelatah.
aku agak blur.
tapi selepas seketika, aku suka.
Malap.
Hanya wrna putih telekung yang samar kelihatan,
Hanya sayup suara bilal tnpa mic yang kedengaran,
tiada kipas berbunyi.
Semua persis 4 pagi sepi.

Oh, tapi cuma sebentar.
Selepas kiraan 10 kurang lebih,
Semua terang kembali.
Terus disambut Alhamdulillah.

Ps. Kamu tidak putus dalam doa.

Berkat

Bila kau tiada lagi masa,
Untuk buat segala yang dulu kau biasa,
Sendiri perlu tahu, ini hanya rasa atau mampu membinasa?

Mana pergi berkat masa.
Mana pergi berkat rasa.

Di setiap untaian kata
Cetusan rasa
Belaian jiwa
Dan momen gelora

Yang mana satu boleh kau percaya
.. tanpa terpedaya
dengan kehebatan sandiwara
Kemanisan kata sang arjuna.

Salam.


Perit dan hampir serik

Kau tahu Tuhan ada.
Tapi kau sendiri malas mendekati NYA.
Jarak antara kening dan sejadah kau ambil mudah.
Bicara antara mulut dan tadahan tgn kau pandang biasa.
Kitab suci kau buka sekali sekala.
Basahan lidah dgn pujian pada-NYA jarang ada.

Lalu kau bertanya,
Kenapa kau masih bergelumang dosa,
Bersalut duka nestapa,
Berfikir kerisauan dunia.

Hati tahu jawapannya.
Tapi badan masih keras berat dan malas.
Petaka apakah yg lebih malang selain qolbu yg mati?

Tak biasa.
Lalu terbit khuatir
Bawa ke ketakutan.

So much that we refused to forget

Hamba hina tapi mahu semua

Tuhan,
Aku hamba hina,
Tahu punya banyak dosa,
Tapi masih mahu meminta,
Semua perkara dalam dunia,
Dan semua yang kekal di sana.

Tuhan,
Aku hamba hina,
Tahu punya banyak cela,
Tapi masih mahu meminta,
Diampun dosa, dikurnia syurga.

Tuhan,
Aku hamba hina,
Tahu punya iman tak setinggi mereka,
Tapi masih mahu meminta,
Istiqamahkan aku dalam taqwa.

Tuhan,
Aku hamba hina,
Tahu punya hati gelap tiada warna,
Tapi masih mahu meminta,
Sucikanlah ia dengan salju penghilang nista.

Tuhan,
Aku hamba hina,
Sering hilang punca cahaya,
Tapi masih mahu meminta,
Ihdinas sirootol mustaqeem, padaMu yang Maha Esa.

Tuhan,
Aku hamba hina,
Cetek perwatakan wanita syurga,
Tapi masih mahu meminta,
Kuatkan daku nanti sebagai isteri solehah, ibu sempurna,
Untuk jodohku di dunia dan di syurga,
Serta zuriat keturunan bertaqwa.

Tuhan,
Aku hamba hina,
Dengan hati bolak balik penuh dosa,
Turun naik imanku seperti nafas kencang hentinya tiada,
Tapi Tuhan, aku tahu selangkah aku menghampiriMu,
Rahmat dan kasih sayangMu hadir berganda,
KeampunanMu sentiasa terbuka,
Buat aku, hamba pendosa.

Rayuku padaMu Tuhan,
Jangan tinggalkan aku walau seketika.
Walau sekelip mata.
Walau nafas sehela.
Walau lebih sekejap dari keduanya.
Kerna aku hanya punya Engkau,
Allahu Ahad.

Of ears and tongue

If i were to choose between listening and talking..i would choose to listen.
I love stories. I love smiling and be happy for other people's happy moments. I love the positive vibes of true human experiences; of courage, survival, spiritual journey and self enhancement. I could be the one who lend attentive ears for others too. I might not utter the correct comforting words or giving a precise motivational speech at that moment but i could give a warm hug i guess.
But that doesnt mean i am totally reserved.
...doesnt mean i dont want to be listened to..
...doesnt mean i have nothing to say, ideas to discuss or feelings to share.

It is just that, people might be selective.. to whom they want to be listened to.
And comfortable to share things with..

Be that person.
:)

Sesak dada

Mom

Monday.
530am. Breakfast before heading to #sp

Mom said.
"Bila sara dah kawen ada suami, anak, buat macam apa yg mak buat"
.
.
.

I doubt myself i could do as perfect and patient as hers. 😔 but mom, i'll try my best.. that, i can promise you.

Ps. TakuT. Dan .LelaH.

Threenuary 2016 challenges

January 2016 challenges:

-not to post any negative thoughts in any of my social media. Surrounding myself with good vibe and sharing positivities with others.

-to consistently go to mesjid for maghrib and isyak + takzirah (at least once a week).

- to jog/exercise at least once a week.

So far im gonna aim for these threenuary first. Of course there are other aims too but im setting a month time frame for threenuary.
May Allah ease.

I wish 2016 is the year that i could travel more.

Smile more

And focusing more on important and certain things.