Di matamu

Salam.

SUFIAN SUHAIMI 

Di matamu

Apakah kau cuba untuk menafikan
Keikhlasan hatiku padamu
Betapa ku mencuba
Mendapatkan secebis kasih mu

Apakah kau tak mampu untuk menentukan
Di antara kaca dan permata
Betapa telahan mu
Memaksa ku mengundurkan diri

Dan tak seharusnya aku
Bertemu dirimu di dunia ini
Dan kau membuang diriku sesuka hati mu
Dan memilih dia
Dan ku tersandar begini
Meratapi hati yang telah dilukai
Aku sedar betapa hinanya
Ku di matamu

Namun jika ku diperlukan, dan diterima
Izinkan ku menagih kasihmu
Namun jika ku ditolak, tak diperlukan
Buang segala tentang ku

Dan tak seharusnya aku
Bertemu dirimu di dunia ini
Dan kau membuang diriku sesuka hatimu
Dan memilih dia
Dan ku tersandar begini
Meratapi hati yang telah dilukai
Aku sedar betapa hinanya
Ku di matamu

source of lyrics: AZlyrics

*****************************************************

I've never really listened to Sufian Suhaimi's (SS) songs before.
Never really know the person until his engagement to EL was made known and later, their break up and latest, that his ex-fiancee is now a wife to another guy.

i know that "di matamu" is a controversial song as it kinda relates well to SS's history. Plus, the song went famous after their break up. BUT still, i've never really listened to the song. i even change to a different radio channel when the song was played.
i have no interest at all towards the song.

well...until i watched his performance in AJL 2019 - that i shared bout it with my friend, N; bout SS 'pelamin anganku musnah' concept, bout him sitting alone on the dais' bench, bout his feelings while singing the song and bout the standing-o and tears from the audience when he performed the song.

and...
my friend told me that he could feel the song, that the song shared the same story and feelings as his, then only i started to listen and understand the lyrics.

yes.
it's about cinta yang tidak kesampaian.

so let's talk about putus cinta.
i think everyone might have experienced it at least once in their life.
but the reasons for it to happen might be different.
it might be caused by you,
...by him/ her,
...by others,
or by the circumstances.

Nevertheless,
none of the reasons would ever make one smile nor glad,
until one finds the bountiful blessings hidden behind it.

until then, keep on praying, keep on working towards inviting your destiny.
i purposely said  'inviting' rather than 'finding' the one as same like rezqi, it is maqtub - being written and destined by ALLAH SWT.
same as rezqi, we didnt find them, but we invite and pray that the rezqi that we receive are blessed and would be the source of happiness and the increment of iman and benefit us in dunya wal akhirah.

i didnt write this for my broken-hearted friends.
im writing this for myself, whom had experienced being in the state of denial and broken-hearted too.
whom experience the bitterness of 'cinta tidak kesampaian' too. :)
im writing this as a reminder for myself.

ps. #notetoself . bangun sahabat-sahabatku.

Throwback

And i wont share the answer.
.
.
I could #tb jan & feb in so many ways. I remember things almost vividly, especially from 2008 onwards.
Last year, early feb was the time that i was busy preparing myself for umrah.
.
It has been almost a year. Ive heard many ustazs and ustazahs mentioned that we could self-check our umrah, whether it's mabrur or not by evaluating ourselves. Are we becoming a better person?
.
I know the answer. Be it in terms of ibadah, akhlaq, ikhtilat and aurah..
I know the answer.