Salam.

this is just a reflection, on LOVE.

dulu, aku pernah sukakan somebody so so so much.
to the point that, i was so sure that he was the one.
i have no doubt on it, cuma i wasnt so sure on his part.
coz he wasnt too verbal bout it. and aku pun sejenis malu2.
yes, aku terlalu berharap lah konsepnya, til one day,
he asked for time to think.
and after a few months,
he said NO, through wA.
of coz i was so sedih.
i kept blaming myself for it.
sedih, but tak pernah benci or doakan bukan2.
keliru, but tak pernah putus berharap and doakan yang baik2.
and it took me about 4 years to completely move on.
dalam 4thn tu, ive met with 2 guys who were serious with me,
tapi aku masih tak dapat nak terima, though mereka baik.
susah amat rupanya nak moved on - ni tara2 ber'cinta' sekejap and tak over.
ntah berapa kotak tisu aku habis sebab nangis.
from there, i learn that, from my eyes, dia adalah perfect.
but i wasnt perfect for him.
and i believe that PERFECT di mata, tak bermaksud SERASI di hati.
chemistry pun penting.
and i drew myself closer to ALLAH SWT.

so nasihat aku pada mereka dengan kes sebegini:
1. jgn salahkan diri, byk kan doa yg baik2
2. bila lelaki dah say "no", jangan berharap lagi. lagi cepat move on, lagi bagus :)
-end of case 3-

physically or emotionally?

I got the drill now.

It was difficult for me to sleep early during MCO phases.

I slept around 1am-2am. And i did wish to sleep earlier.

And these few days, i slept as early as 9.30pm.. sometimes earlier than that. 

.

Ive got the drill now. 

I understand me better.

I will sleep way earlier for 2 main reasons;

a) if i am way way way too tired coz of physical activities/programs

Or 

b) if i am emotionally drained. Mentally tired. 

I think i dont mind being physically exhausted as compared to being emotionally tired.

Sleeping is a temporary therapy for me.It relieves, but it doesnt solve much.

And im emotionally tired.

There s only a reason to leave but not to forget

It takes years to trust.
To share secrets,
To say out loud; the feelings.

So would it take years to erase those feelings,
forget those memories,
and move on?
.
.
Frustration isnt enough as there's only a reason to leave but not to forget.

15.7.2018

Complicated

I sometimes wish to have that courage.
To delete, to remove, to replace,
and to move on.

.
Life isnt complicated.
My soul is..😉

#BSD

BSD is the term that i created and use since i was in UNI. it stands for "BROAD SMILE DAY". It is the day that i would reward myself after all the HARDWORK. It was the day that i would look forward too, and told my bffs again & again of how much i couldnt wait for it. As i grew up to working life..ahahahahaha, I feel as if i no longer have any BSD- i no longer looking forward to anything, which is depressing. 

#BSD is important for me as it motivates me to strive and achieve what i want. But as for these few years, what i really want seems to be beyond my power & authority.and it really disappoints me at times coz i have nothing much to look forward to anymore, that excites me. 

I NEED NEW AIR.