Complicated

I sometimes wish to have that courage.
To delete, to remove, to replace,
and to move on.

.
Life isnt complicated.
My soul is..😉

#BSD

BSD is the term that i created and use since i was in UNI. it stands for "BROAD SMILE DAY". It is the day that i would reward myself after all the HARDWORK. It was the day that i would look forward too, and told my bffs again & again of how much i couldnt wait for it. As i grew up to working life..ahahahahaha, I feel as if i no longer have any BSD- i no longer looking forward to anything, which is depressing. 

#BSD is important for me as it motivates me to strive and achieve what i want. But as for these few years, what i really want seems to be beyond my power & authority.and it really disappoints me at times coz i have nothing much to look forward to anymore, that excites me. 

I NEED NEW AIR.

Ada apa dengan CINTA

Apa itu cinta?
Cinta itu ialah menginginkan kebaikan buatnya.

Sepertimana kau sayangkan dan berikan yang terbaik buat dirimu,
seperti itu juga kau usahakan yang terindah buat dirinya jua.

Sepertimana nama mu tidak putus dalam doa,
seperti itu juga namanya lancar dalam sebutan doamu.

Sepertimana kau dambakan syurga, seperti itu juga kau usahakan untuk diri mu dan dia.

Itu cinta bagi aku.
Dan CINTA itu bermula dengan mengenali.

define unprofessional

Salam.

Deepest condolences to egocentric people;
whom too proud to ask for help,
too good to accept helping hands,
but way too quick to judge other people.

The world does not revolve around oneself.
Lashing out, playing victims and blaming others;
are truly unprofessional.

ps. #notetoself

Di matamu

Salam.

SUFIAN SUHAIMI 

Di matamu

Apakah kau cuba untuk menafikan
Keikhlasan hatiku padamu
Betapa ku mencuba
Mendapatkan secebis kasih mu

Apakah kau tak mampu untuk menentukan
Di antara kaca dan permata
Betapa telahan mu
Memaksa ku mengundurkan diri

Dan tak seharusnya aku
Bertemu dirimu di dunia ini
Dan kau membuang diriku sesuka hati mu
Dan memilih dia
Dan ku tersandar begini
Meratapi hati yang telah dilukai
Aku sedar betapa hinanya
Ku di matamu

Namun jika ku diperlukan, dan diterima
Izinkan ku menagih kasihmu
Namun jika ku ditolak, tak diperlukan
Buang segala tentang ku

Dan tak seharusnya aku
Bertemu dirimu di dunia ini
Dan kau membuang diriku sesuka hatimu
Dan memilih dia
Dan ku tersandar begini
Meratapi hati yang telah dilukai
Aku sedar betapa hinanya
Ku di matamu

source of lyrics: AZlyrics

*****************************************************

I've never really listened to Sufian Suhaimi's (SS) songs before.
Never really know the person until his engagement to EL was made known and later, their break up and latest, that his ex-fiancee is now a wife to another guy.

i know that "di matamu" is a controversial song as it kinda relates well to SS's history. Plus, the song went famous after their break up. BUT still, i've never really listened to the song. i even change to a different radio channel when the song was played.
i have no interest at all towards the song.

well...until i watched his performance in AJL 2019 - that i shared bout it with my friend, N; bout SS 'pelamin anganku musnah' concept, bout him sitting alone on the dais' bench, bout his feelings while singing the song and bout the standing-o and tears from the audience when he performed the song.

and...
my friend told me that he could feel the song, that the song shared the same story and feelings as his, then only i started to listen and understand the lyrics.

yes.
it's about cinta yang tidak kesampaian.

so let's talk about putus cinta.
i think everyone might have experienced it at least once in their life.
but the reasons for it to happen might be different.
it might be caused by you,
...by him/ her,
...by others,
or by the circumstances.

Nevertheless,
none of the reasons would ever make one smile nor glad,
until one finds the bountiful blessings hidden behind it.

until then, keep on praying, keep on working towards inviting your destiny.
i purposely said  'inviting' rather than 'finding' the one as same like rezqi, it is maqtub - being written and destined by ALLAH SWT.
same as rezqi, we didnt find them, but we invite and pray that the rezqi that we receive are blessed and would be the source of happiness and the increment of iman and benefit us in dunya wal akhirah.

i didnt write this for my broken-hearted friends.
im writing this for myself, whom had experienced being in the state of denial and broken-hearted too.
whom experience the bitterness of 'cinta tidak kesampaian' too. :)
im writing this as a reminder for myself.

ps. #notetoself . bangun sahabat-sahabatku.

Throwback

And i wont share the answer.
.
.
I could #tb jan & feb in so many ways. I remember things almost vividly, especially from 2008 onwards.
Last year, early feb was the time that i was busy preparing myself for umrah.
.
It has been almost a year. Ive heard many ustazs and ustazahs mentioned that we could self-check our umrah, whether it's mabrur or not by evaluating ourselves. Are we becoming a better person?
.
I know the answer. Be it in terms of ibadah, akhlaq, ikhtilat and aurah..
I know the answer.

Envy

My friend envied me to the fact that i could meet my parents every week..
Little that she knows, i kinda envied her for having the blessing to meet her own little family every time she returns home, everyday.

Each and every one of us has their own rezqi though at times, all we see is that the grass is always greener from the other side. I might have rezqi that other people do not have and vice versa.
Same goes with difficulties or adversities. Who are we to say that other people are more  blessed than us or have less responsibilities, difficulties, adversities than us?

Let's be matured.
Be grateful for everything that we have.
Work hard, pray earnestly and give more as to achieve what we think we 'should' have or want to have or need to have.
Stop labelling each other as "having less responsibilities" or "more blessed" or "having no problems";
as what we see- their smiles, laughters and happiness might not really show the struggles inside their heart and mind.

Always remember that sometimes we couldnt have everything.
But all the things that we have, are more than just enough for us.

And sometimes, we could have everything.
But it is just not there yet for us. It also depends on how do we define everything.

Be grateful for everything that we have; for when we lose even one slight nikmat from the many of them that he has bestowed upon us, only then we would realize that we have everything that HE wants us to have, that we have more than enough.

I'm not reminding this to anyone except my own self.
Sometimes i compared myself with other people in a negative way. And of course, it should not happen like that. If comparison is made, it should be as a motivation to achieve and do better, positively.
This is indeed a reminder to myself. Yes, i remind myself by writing my thoughts; one of the ways, of course.

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