311215 thursday

2015.

I cried a lot this year.
Months.
Half year.
Throughout the year.

No hatred.
Just sadness and lots of questions.

Hati rabak

Kadang aku terfikir.
Apa yg mampu membuatkan kita gembira..
Apa yang bisa membuat kita sedih..
Adakah ia cerminan iman?

Kalau tangisan itu jatuhnya kerana kehilangan yang kecil,
Kerana patahnya hati,
Kerana banyaknya urusan dunia..

Adakah itu petanda hati penuh keduniaan?

Sedangkan mereka yg lain bersengkang mata,
Berkolam air mata,
Bermandi peluh dan keringat,
Resah gelisah, berduka lara kerna
memikirkan urusan di 'sana'
Bekalan di dada dan ibadah.

Juga kerna sebak dek saudara seislam berbantal batu dan berselimut pelukan lengan.

Lihatlah sendiri.
Hati kau masih kecil.
Halus.
Lekas rabak.
Banyak tangis dan tawa kerna dunia.

...But why does it feel like yesterday?
Why does it still hurt?

Ya Allah, grant me strength.
Fill my heart and mind with remembrance of You. 😢

1437hijrah

Koreksi diri.

Kalau apa yang kau buat tak mampu halang kau dari kejahatan dan dosa..
Apa sebenarnya yang berlaku?
Apa sebenarnya yang kau lakukan sehingga tak laku di sisi NYA?

😢😢😢😢

Rindu waktu itu ya Tuhan.

ALLAH.. ampuni dosa lalu.
Mampukan daku untuk suka segala yang Engkau suka..
Mampukan daku untuk utamakan MU, Ya ALLAH dalam segala perkara..

Kerna duri sebatang, habis seisi genggaman terburai

Genggam erat penuh kasih selama manapun, 

andai ditaqdir ditusuk duri, 

pasti akan terlerai genggaman, 

bertaburan apa yang digenggam selama ini.

Tapi jika genggaman dibuka sedikit demi sedikit, 

duri dibuang perlahan-lahan, 

luka diubat cepat.. 

maka isi dalam genggaman pasti masih ada. 

Lukanya pula pasti lekas sembuh.

Lantas begitulah juga kehidupan ini. 

Jika kesalahan dimaafkan, 

manusia tidak terus dibuang dan dihukum dengan hanya satu kesalahan, 

tiada putus harapan dgn rahmat dari-NYA hanya kerana satu ujian, 

maka apa yang dibina dgn kasih selama dalam genggaman pasti masih ada gunanya.

Namun kadang kita terlalu pantas menilai kesalahan dan menghukum..

Terlalu mudah berputus harap hanya kerana satu ujian.

Sakit dan luka itu pasti.
Tapi tindakan yang lebih pasti ialah utk tidak terlalu pantas membuka genggaman, 

melerai pegangan hanya kerana satu duri. 

Terus..luka diubati dan fokus diberi untuk terus menggenggam erat, 

menjaga nikmat dan mendoakan rahmat.

Hidup lebih positif jika fokus adalah pada usaha yg telah kita bina dan nikmat yg kita peroleh; 

bukan pada sebatang duri dan sakitnya satu luka..

#notauntukdiri #refleksi sebagai seorang hamba, anak, guru, sahabat dan manusia.

Lalai dan ujub
Itu yang aku takut.
Sebab ia hadir tanpa kita rasa.
Dan paling scary...sebab kita rasa ia tiada tapi ada.

Allah,
Peliharalah hati-hati kami.

Bless

He envies her to the fact that she could meet her parents every weekend..
Little that he knows, she envies him for getting to meet his own little family every time he returns home, everyday..

       **********

Each and every one of us has their own rezq though at times, all we see is that the grass is always greener from the other side of the fence. We might have rezq that other people do not have and vice versa. Same goes with difficulties or adversities. Who r we to say that other people are more  blessed than us or have less responsibilities/ difficulties/adversities than us?

Lets be thankful.
Be grateful for everything that we have.
Work hard, pray earnestly and give more as to achieve what we think we should have OR want to have OR need to have.
Stop labelling each other as "having less responsibilities" OR "more blessed" OR "having no problems" etc. What we see from the surface (their smiles, laughters, happiness, etc) might not really show the struggles inside their heart and mind.

Sometimes we couldn't have everything. But all the things that we have..are more than enough for us.

And stms, we could have everything. But it is just not there yet for us. It also depends on how do we define 'everything'.

Be grateful for everything that we have. For when we lose even one slight nikmat from the many of them that HE has bestowed upon us, only then we would realize that we have everything that HE wants us to have; and they are sufficient for us.

Im not reminding this to anyone except my own self.
Sometimes i compared myself with other people in a negative way. And of course, it should not happen like that. If comparison is made, it should be as a motivation to achieve and do better, positively.
This is indeed a reminder to myself. Yes, i remind myself by writing my thoughts; one of the ways, of course.

P/s: happy malaysia day. #160915wednesday.
It is now 3.59pm..same time on 160914 tuesday; i was in festival city, hunting for my graduation shoes, after leaving sime darby convention centre with a happy and content feeling. Little that i know... 😔😢

Kehilangan
Itu yang menyedihkan.
Tak kisahlah hilang apa.
Barang mahupun cinta.
Cinta siapa? Itu kau jawab sendiri.
Paling parah jika hilang cinta agung.
Itu kau bakal hilang segalanya.

Ps: ah..menangis pula.
Hati tak sado.
Dah bilang acapkali supaya kental.
Tapi rupanya seperti span.
Serap semua.
...dan bila ditekan, menitis laju.

How

They said, to forget certain things,
remember all the bad things.
So hatred would build up, erasing things that you have got to forget.
But how could you forget,
when everything is good.

You know, it was like in a drama,
when a mother or a wife was praying and then reciting some zikr using the tasbeh and then.... pufff!
That suspense or sad background music came in...
Tasbeh terputus
The beads were everywhere
And uve got that bad feelings.

Huhuhu...
Rasa nak nangis pulak. Ala2 dramatic..
I need a new tasbeh. That was a tasbeh given by my friend last 2 years i think.  And now..dah terputus 😣

And that sejadah/ prayer mat was given by my ex principal whom ive just had a chance of working with him for 3 months. He gave a sejadah to every staff on his retirement day. That was in 2011.
And im still using it til now.

Kiroman katibin

#nw malaikat hafazah #cintailmudanfalsafah

Ive first heard the term 'kiroman katibin' from my friend, I, in dec 2013.
He said that before we sleep, we could make niat, and ask kiroman katibin to wake us up at a certain time (with Allah's will).

Kiroman katibin are the angels on our right and left shoulders who keep tracks and records of our good deeds and bad ones..

So that night, i made a niat to wake up at 6am. In that niat, i mentioned kiroman katibin, and i mentioned with the wills of ALLAH too.. and Alhamdulillah, the next morning, i woke up around 6am..to be exact, 5.55am, without alarm clock.

Tq I for sharing the 'ilm with me. Uve got ur 'share' for akhirah, in sya Allah...

************

And ive also learnt that if we recite quranic verses/surah and some zikir before we sleep, and also make a strong, sincere and specific niat to wake up early (for example; O Allah, please wake me up at the last phase of the night so i could submit myself to YOU..), in sya Allah, HE would wake us up early.

p/s: it s my birthday today. Alhamdulillah.. ☺😊 #tuesday

Tegur kerana sayang

22082015
Saturday

Met with a friendly makcik at An Nur mesjd. She was not from the neighbourhood though.

We had a chat here and there in between the ceramah. She was actually on her way back home to silibin after teaching fardhu ain, etc at Seri Kenangan (an old folks home). But it was raining heavily before Maghrib and the road that she normally used was flooded. So she had to use an alternative route, which had brought her to An-Nur mesjid. She repeatitively mentioned how grateful she was for having the opportunity to solat there and listened to the talk by our guest speaker, Dr Azlan on mukmin sejati (Surah al-Mu'minun; 1-11).. ☺

After the talk, we performed Isyak prayer side by side. And soon after we finished the prayer with du'a, etc,.. she tegur me in a humble and kind way (like a mother to her daughter); she said that when performing congregational prayers (jamaah prayers), makmum could not prolong the final sujood any longer than the imam.

In my very limited knowledge and 'ilm, especially in fiqh (please correct me if im wrong) ; 
I've learnt from ustaz(ah) that in jamaah prayers, makmum could prolong the final sujood as long as the imam has not yet recited the syahadah OR maximum, the solawat onto Nabi Muhammad SAW in tahiyyat akhir (meaning, you can prolong your sujood BUT not for TOO long). The best is to prolong your sujood when you perform prayers individually..

But i didnt say anything back to her bout that. I smiled and sincerely thanking her for telling me that. Having a makcik whom ive just met for perhaps an hour, and had actually 'corrected' me on that, was something im grateful for. That simply shows she cares about me. Alhamdulillah..

Makcik S, hope we could meet again,  In sya Allah.. Thank you for your kindness and may Allah bless you, and all of us 😊

For further explanation on 'could makmum prolong their sujood?'; click the link below...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lCx7enUWfb0&sns=em

Dalam banyak kisah,
Memang kita yang bersalah
Terlalu kaku dan malu untuk mengolah.

Tapi tiap salah yang disambut diam,
dan tiap guris yang dipendam,
Mana mungkin minda faham,
Mana mampu hati ini hadam.

Walau itu yang kadang kita lakukan,
Bicara awal kadang disambut kata
Walau sepatah tapi bisa berbunga jiwa.

Kata nasihat berhikmah itu penguat.
Penguat buat apa yang telah tertambat.

Cinta

Siapa yang pernah kesat air mata kau?

Sendiri

dan

Ibu.

Siapa yang mampu hilangkan kesedihan kau?

ALLAH SWT.

Bukan kau.
Bukan ibu.
Bukan mereka.

Nasihat yang berhikmah. Yang padanya tiada marah dan tiada kata pelemah.

Mendengar pada pengalaman mereka.
Yang padanya ada kejujuran rasa dan keikhlasan cerita.

Nasihat mereka masih bergema.
"Sudah tarafnya kita seorang hamba, selayaknya diuji oleh DIA.."

Sel dalam otak berhubung segera dengan janji TUHAN (al-Baqarah; 286)... bahawa DIA tidak akan uji kita dengan ujian yang tidak mampu kita hadapi.

Bila kali terakhir kita bersyukur kerana diuji?

Soal aku kepada aku..

Redha

R.E.D.H.A...

5 huruf,1 perkataan.
Tapi sejauh mana keikhlasan, perlaksanaan dan penerimaan?

Adakah bila bersedih,
terkenang dan bergenang, menunjukkan seseorang itu tidak redha?

Ya Rabb,
Kurniakan kami hati yang redha atas segala ketentuan-MU.
Sesungguhnya Engkau lah yang Maha Mengetahui lagi Maha Menentukan..

Hakikat

Aku sering membayangkan bahawa hati adalah satu ruang kosong yang perlu diisi, 

samada dengan air atau minyak, 

atau kebiasaannya, manusia hina seperti aku, ada kedua-duanya. 

...yang mana keduanya tidak bercampur tapi masing2 cuba mengambil ruang yang ada.

jika hati terisi lebih dengan air, maka ruangan untuk minyak akan berkurang. 

jika terisi lebih dengan minyak, maka ruangan air menjadi sedikit. 

air diibaratkan sebagai sesuatu yang menyihatkan

.. memberi tenaga, punya unsur membersih. 

jika ditambah usaha, mampu menyingkirkan lebihan minyak, 

lantas memperoleh ruangan lebih di dalam hati.

minyak pula, 

sedikit sebanyak perlu..

 tapi jika terlalu banyak, memberi mudarat.. 

dan jika dibiar lama, akan menjadi lemak, membawa penyakit dan menyempitkan ruangan hati.

Setiap kali hati terisi lebih dengan dunia (minyak),

 maka ruangan untuk akhirat (air) akan berkurang.

setiap kali kurang siraman air pada hati, 

setiap kali itulah, minyak mengambil ruangan itu. 

dan jika berterusan, 

minyak bertukar jadi lemak... 

dan akhirnya menyumbat hati sendiri hingga sukar dimasuki air.

aku takut.

takut ruangan untuk air makin berkurang kerna ralitnya hati dimasuki minyak..

...sedangkan aku tahu pentingnya air untuk menyuburkan hati.

Auggie

Hi AUGUST!
I love you so much last year.
I love how you make me felt last year.
Be good to me this year too, ya..
Or at least, let me be spiritually and mentally stronger than previous months!

😊

Kerana DIA juga bisa membuka kunci

Salam.


pantas jemari mengimbau
selakan demi selakan
satu persatu diperhati kaku
benar kaku.
keras tanpa belas.

teriak mata
membaca mantra
namun tewas.
habis juraian mutiara
melimpah dari takungan ikhlas.

sebak
puas telapak tangan menutup degup
konon hati mampu dipangku
rebah jua dalam hela nafas.

lalu dalam getar menahan rasa
bibir berkumat perlahan
kalimah Tuhan Maha Agung
disebut acap kali
bersulam nafas sebak,
berteman titisan jernih kolam mata.

****

Duhai sayang,
dalam indah dan tribulasi,
carilah DIA, Tuhan yang memegang hati.

Salam.

10 syawal
10 hari selepas peninggalan Ramadhan.
apa yang masih kita kekalkan?
apa yang telah kita tinggalkan?
apa yang terkesan di sanubari kita, kawan?

Hidup boleh berubah dalam sekelip mata.
Dan sekelip mata itulah yang kita khuatiri.

Tanpa persediaan, bagaimana mampu bertahan?

TUHAN.
Itulah awal. akhir dan selamanya.

Weirdo

Ramadhan 21 #iftaarwithhostelstudents #7july2015

I learn that sometimes tragedy does not only happen in drama or novel. It happens to people around us too. So be grateful with the life that we have.
Alhamdulillah. Thank you Allah.

Persons we called 'weirdo' stms have their own 'history'. And they are also blessed with unique abilities. Like miss I, she is gifted with fast memorization (though she was known as a lone ranger, garang and 'weird').

Just because we dont see people doing it much, doesnt make it weird. Unless it is totally and morally wrong, and against our religion.

Qolbu

Qolbu

Berubah ubah.

Enak kita memperkatakan hilangnya kewarasan seorang ibu tatkala dia mendera bayinya persis boneka hidup. -"gila!" Kata kita.

Seronok kite mempersoalkan ke mana hilangnya kejujuran seorang insan bila di sua setempayan kekayaan.-"tamak!" Kata kita

Ketawa mengilai kita melihat seorang gadis menangis mengekspresi emosi pabila ditipu sang arjuna buaya -"padan muka!" Kata kita.

Bukankah segala kata negatif itu lebih baik digantikan dengan doa tanpa henti dan permohonan perlindungan dari Ilahi, daripada melakukan kesilapan yang sama?

Kerna qolbu itu sifatnya tidak tetap.
Hari ini kau mungkin insan terbaik buat masyarakat..
Namun esok tatkala diuji..
Dan qolbumu memberontak lalu terpejam seketika,
Mungkin kaulah insan terhina di mata masyarakat.

Mohon pada NYA,
pada Tuhan yang membolak-balikkan hati...
Tetapkanlah hati ini pada jalan NYA.

Ps.
Hati. Aku suka bicara mengenainya.
Sudah bertahun lamanya bersama, tapi hanya sedikit yang aku fahami.

daughter

Salam.


Ramadhan 18, Sunday

i went quite late to Masjid An Nur for isyak and terawih,
but Alhamdulillah, i managed to squeeze into the mesjid (not the outside saf)
it was the last saf inside the mesjid, in between 2 little girls.
i felt like a mommy with two daughters. hehe.
and the girl on my right,
she performed all 8 rakaat of terawih + 3 rakaat of witir,
without complaining or having the urge to join other kids playing.
If she's my daughter, i would kiss her.
May you grow up to be a pious servant of ALLAH SWT, daughter, wife and mother.
(and may i have the chance to be one too, in sya ALLAH)

*******

Earlier, i met an unexpected person at aeon ipoh.
we stumbled upon each other and were kinda stunned.
i tried really hard to recognize his name, or at least, how i knew this familiar face.
"ok, this must be my primary school friend. but man! what's his name ya??"
*thinking...thinking*
until he then said, "teacher...sarah kan?"
*facepalm
it's my ex 5PD 2013 student!
my favourite class of the year (the funniest and hilarious class). hehe.
still, it was quite hard for me to recall his name until.... i got into the fitting room.
yes, his name is Aqil Amsyar!
i didnt forget u. and happy fasting :)

kelibat

Salam.

masih ingat bagaimana sekeping puisi di bulan Ramadhan mengukir senyuman sepenuh hati,
dan senyuman ke telinga itu juga yang kau tangisi,
kerna khuatir ia bakal bikin hati terisi lebih dengan dia berbanding DIA.
khuatir melalaikan, khuatir rasa itu bukan milik dirimu yang hakiki.
khuatir ia semua adalah sementara.

dan sementara itu yang terjadi.

Tuhan.
Ampuni kami semua yang sering alpa.
Tuhan,
Bantulah kami mencintai- MU melebihi diri kami,
keluarga kami dan air yang dingin.

Smile on her face

Her pencil case was torn, old and had lots of pen marks on it. It looked as if it was given by her elder siblings..or perhaps the one that she had used since years.

I noticed that few weeks ago. And it was few weeks ago that i told her to come and meet me after school..i wanted to give her a new pencil case; one that i bought at s.iskandar. sadly..she didnt come and see me.

So today, again. I told her to go to the staffroom and bring along her pencil case. This time, i walked with her. I asked a few things bout herself, just to get to know her more. She was really a quiet student. When i first taught her class last year, she even sulked with me when i asked her a question (on english language of course). She didnt look at me but just stared at the window blankly. She was not the kind of student who is rude but she is soo introvert and quiet; very different from her younger brother who is really talkative and her elder sister who is quite hot-tempered (with her classmates).

So i invited her to my table.
Then i gave her a new pencil case. She smiled.. a really sincere smile. Her eyes were smiling too. It was just a pencil case.. it was less than rm 10 but her smile was priceless.
I didnt really have a long chat with her coz another teacher might have entered her class. So before she went back to her class, she called me. I thought she just wanted to say thank you but she offered her hands, to salam/shake hands with me.

Alhamdulillah and thank you L for giving me the chance to do something good today.

I rarely write and share these kinda things in my blog. But the fact that i had shared it here today makes me feels even pumped up to do more. In sya Allah.

Please pray that i could always do better, more and beyond teaching. Somehow i think that it is not really them who need me. But im the one who need them, as a medium to do good. I need to instil 'ilmu yg bermanfaat' and do more 'sedeqah jariah'. Let it be small but continuously. May Allah safeguard me, and us all from being selfish and insincere.

#ramadhan1436/2015

Step

How can you ever forget,
...when all of em are happy memories?

Usik

Tika kau intai,
Saat itu hati terusik.
Mata berkaca,
Tunggu masa tumpah mencurah.

Tika itu,
Bisikkan kalimah Tuhan berulang kali.
Hingga hilang keterusikan menggila.

Ldr hubs n wives

Im amazed at how people could survive LDR after marriage..
I mean,away from spouse and perhaps their child(ren).
They r really strong, emotionally and spiritually.
It must be because of HIM.
'Bertemu dan berpisah(sementara) kerana Dia'.

Moga Allah SWT sentiasa berkati para isteri dan suami yang berkasih sayang kerana DIA.

Sin alif ya nga

Bila dah sayang,
Semuanya akan jadi lain macam.
Lahir 'hope'
Terbit 'expectation'
Mahu 'tahu' segala perihal
Terlebih 'ambil berat'
'Sakit' sana sini...
Keluar macam-macam rasa.
Rasa luar biasa.
Dan luar kebiasaan ini yang buat kita gelisah.

kau,
Ingatkanlah aku pada Pemegang Hati.
Agar aku bawa DIA dalam segala rasa.

Am i?

BBW

Went to the mines for book shopping at BBW. #030615 #wednesday.
My last BBW shopping was on december 2013.

When i was at seri kembangan,
My mind was else where.
All d driving and getting lost...
All d walking and carrying books..
Stepping up the stairs...
The indoor 'stream',
McDonalds,
Sections of books at BBW,
the crowd...
Every single detail...
My eyes started to get teary.

I needed distraction.
Though it felt right, ive gotta admit that i kinda came to the wrong place.

#rbtl

Salam.

I really really REALLY need to focus on improving myself.
... on reflecting things and have a good heart.

Chocs

went crazy over chocs.

The world is round

One of  my dreams is to travel the world.

I want to have this big globe and world map in my room, on my table..so i could see the world, mark the countries that ive been to and dream more of going to places.

Sebel

Dihukum dengan kesenyapan dunia,
Tertipu dengan kedaifan rasa.

Mana pergi hati yang kononnya mapan?

Tapi

Satu hal yang kau tak boleh paksa..

Perihal hati.

Perlu masa.
Perlu usaha.
Perlu doa.
Banyak banyak doa

Hati

Kalau dalam hati kau masih sedih kerna manusia,
Masih gusar kerna khuatir akan persepsi insan,
Di mana kau letakkan yang Maha Kuasa sebenarnya?

HATI
suka aku dengar bicara mengenainya.
Kerna semua pun tahu,
Sifat hati yang sering berubah-ubah.
Hari ini mungkin bilang ya.
Esok belum tentu masih ya.

Tangisan dari hati itu,
Puncanya dari apa wahai sang kerdil?

Lalu jawapan dibalas curahan air mata.
Setitis demi setitis tewas.
Turun dari mata ke pipi,

... ke kain putih yang ditadah dari tadi.

Curahan mutiara jernih itu,
detiknya dari sekeping hati yang hitam.

Benar sebenar-benarnya.
Hanya dengan mengingati Allah,
hati akan menjadi tenang.

Degup

Kawan aku.
Sering berkongsi kisah cintanya.
Bersama yang dahulu kekasih, kini isteri beranak lima.
Katanya,
Lelaki punya degup.
Serius aku ketawa.
Degup??
Lalu dia sambung..
"Serius ni wan sarah"...
Ok lah...
Explain...

Katanyaaaa...
Untuk jatuh suka dengan serius,
Harus ada rasa "degup" itu.

Itu kata dia.
Degup.

Dalam hati, aku terfikir...
Sudahnya... kalau ada yg berdegup 2,3,4 kali...
Pada insan yang berbeza
Bagaimana?

Ah.. terpacul pula soalan tadi pada dia.

"Sebab itulah lelaki ada yang kawen lebih..."

*senyap*

"Kak Susan...tengok cg Edward ni ha..macam ada niat nak bagi akak payung emas je ni..."

Pasangan ideal ini mmg dah biasa dgn gurauan poligami si suami.

Dan aku...sambung makan dengan tenang. Hahah.

********
#namarekaansemata

I got a friend whom always know how to start, what to say and could always put up with me; no matter what i say or how mad i could be.
And a good counsellor too.
Someone whom i could say, "hmm i feel sad.. Can u please say or share sth comforting.."
Then puff! All sorts of comforting ayat, words, jokes and motivations were there in less than a minute.
If she was a guy, I couldve fallen for him.

This one kakak.
She is pretty..a well-experienced teacher and a happy-go-lucky kinda person..senyum sokmo.
And cantik.
Yeah..i said pretty twice coz she is.

She is also quite known for her busy life (earning more and more money is one of the things she likes to do; as she said so).

So we asked her about her part-time job at this one private institution. She said she had quit.
And we asked why coz as i said, she loves the money.

"U know what, ...when i was younger, i love to chase money.. i want to earn more and more money. But after quite stms, it becomes tiring. And once uve experienced the death of a fam member, u will realize that u need to spend more time with ur family. I worked at xxxx every friday and returned home at night. The next day, i was too tired already. And my family demanded my time during weekend. So i quitted."

It makes me think.
What do i really want in life?
In my 20s..in my 30s and in my 40s....so on...(if Allah permits me to have a longer life)..
More money?
Higher academic qualification?
More kids? (if im blessed with a marriage and children)
Bigger house and luxurious car?

I want a blessed life.
Blessed with the love of Allah.

Soberness

Losing things that are near to your heart is indeed, devastating.
It leaves a deep mark,
a mark that only you and HE knows.

The heart is still beating,
Tears are still rolling,
Mind is still wondering.

True.
The heart should only be filled with the remembrance of the Most Gracious,
as only HIS love lasts forever.

p/s: months and 'soberness'.

Jendela salju

Jendela.
Betapa mahu kau ke sana.
Ke arah mana mata kau capai.
Tapi sayang.
Tertutup rapat, terkunci rapi.
Tiada mampu walau satu hembusan, walau satu bingkisan untuk masuk.
Hanya mampu intip dalam kelam,
...di celahan pemisah luar dan dalam.

🗻💐☕🌁 #010415 #wednesday #gststartstoday #ofapril14

IF you have known all my flaws and weaknesses,
..seen me in my worst, emotional conditions and situations,
Would u still like me?

bro-sis code

Salam.

i read an article on how Beckham's first child, Brooklyn cuddled and carried his 3 y/o sister home LOVINGLY, after the NYFW. and towards the end of the article, the reporter asked Beckham on how Harper's romantic relationship would be with you know, 3 protective elder brothers, so here he answered: 

"She's got three brothers that will take her, 

three brothers that will eat with her,

and three brothers that will bring her back home,

and a dad waiting for her," 

'So yeah, we'll see. That'll be interesting."

and i could more or less understand this.

the part on having 3 protective elder brothers (i have 4 bros), and... being the only daughter.

Like seriously, elder brothers are more protective towards their sister. 

doesnt matter whether the sister is pretty or not (tak 'ku putih ku putih' pun abang2 sayang..syukur..huhu), big or small...i guess it is in their genes.  

i am already an adult.. BUT.. my brothers' protectiveness level does not even decrease a bit. 

They know most of my circle of friends, BFFs and my whereabouts. 

They are my 'chauffeurs' esp in KL and my chaperons whenever they are at home or whenever i am in KL.
At times, they would escort/ drive me to SP at dawn (at 5.45 am), though they have just arrived from KL the night before; simply coz they are concerned that i would be driving alone/sleepy early at dawn.
and other times, we would keluar makan, movie, shopping blabla.
padahal buat sorang2 pun boleh. but when bros are there, we would do that together.

my first bro, he is the most protective.. and strict.
tambah2 when he's married and has a child. lagiiii lah protective and kebapaan.
he is the one who always asked and called me just to say 'hi' or ask bout my days etc.
there was this one time, i was sick and he took care of me. He came to my college late at night just to pass me Vicks and some meds coz i was coughing badly. Many times, he took me to the clinics and made sure i was ok (with the bless of ALLAH, of course).
he has that 'eldest child' charisma and a decision maker.

my second bro, ...i like the way he gives advices/ opinions. it is always lengthy and of course, useful. whenever im in need of opinions or suggestions, he is always there to help (until everything is solved!). For me, he is a sensible person. He also layan my narcissism by taking my photos..hehe.

and my third bro, he is a 'people' person.
He knows and has met most of my BFFs.
he is the most manja and the one i could mengada lebih.
I always ask him and his wife to go out etc.
He holds my hand- walaupun aku dh besar (and his wife's hand of course), when we crossed the road/ at crowded places.
He makes sure i eat early as to avoid tummy upset.
He holds my heavy handbag when i need to choose / shop for sth.
he still lies his head on my lap, stms asks me to picit kepala, kaki and lepak in my room (bilik aku sejuk) though he's married.
oh...at times, he bullies me too. u know, requesting this n that (mostly food).

and of course my lil bro.
hmm..ahaha. he is of course younger than me. and im closer to him actually.
i talk and share with him though he doesnt really give elaborate responses. lol.
he is a really good listener and a trustworthy secret keeper.
i love hugging him.. at random times.
i hold his arms when walking at malls, etc for no reason. ahahaha.
love teasing him esp when he sleeps and sits alone thinking of things, or even when he eats.
I drink his water just a sec after he finishes pouring it into the glass,..simply because!.
i dont know,... i just love to annoy him! :D

he is a man with less words but at times could be full of surprises too.

Like this one time, when we were in Jogja, he told me not to disperse from my friends (coz i prefer to shop alone). he reminded me few times on that. and then he kept on walking behind me at a crowded place to make sure i was safe. and there was one time, i joked about wanting this particular bag..and he bought me that bag! it was not that expensive or branded but it's the thought that impressed me the most!

but yeah,....
it is not always rainbows with bros.
we fought and bickered too.
we have some 'terasa hati' moments too.
they were times when i cried coz well obviously... i hati lembik cam kanji..huhu.
BUT, like other siblings,
we got over that..
i also appreciate all their countless sacrifices and concerns on me..
and for all the good and bad, i would NOT trade bros for anything. :)

Tolong ingatkan aku

Orang yang mudah lalai seperti aku..
Memang perlu kepada peringatan berulang kali tanpa jemu..
Peringatan dan nasihat berhikmah, agar aku mampu berubah,
dalam istiqamah.

In sya Allah.

Bolehkah kau hadapi

Salam

Kau tak tahu betapa jantung berdegup laju,
Fikiran melayang selalu,
Bila fikir perkara yang aku sendiri tak tahu,
...sama ada aku mampu.

Semahunya diri mahu jadi yang terbaik.
Tapi diri lebih kenali hati.
Banyak hitam dari putih suci.
Lalu mengundang pelbagai persoalan dalam diri.

Sudah ready,
untuk hadapi semua nanti?

Cinta ke syurga

Kalau cinta,
Sama-sama banyakkan doa.

Kalau benar cinta,
Sama-sama bawa ke syurga.

Barulah sama-sama elak derita,
Sama-sama kecap bahagia.

Ps: peringatan untuk diri.

Salam.

Bila sayang, kau akan husnudzon secara automatiknya. Default setting barangkali.

baiki diri

Salam.

Bila dapat kegembiraan, kita bersyukur.
tapi jarang kita bertanya "kenapa aku?".
Maka bila ditimpa kesukaran,
bersyukurlah kerana kita terpilih untuk ditarbiyah,
dan jangan persoal "kenapa aku?".
Status kita sebagai hamba NYA, buatkan kita lebih dari layak untuk diuji.
Dan untungnya kita, hamba hina tapi Tuhan sayang...
Bila diuji NYA,
DIA janjikan kita hanya diuji dengan ujian yang kita mampu hadapi.
DIA janjikan disetiap kesukaran ada jalan keluar,
DIA janjikan sesuatu yang lebih baik,
Kadang kita mungkin tak faham dan tak punya kebijaksanaan untuk melihat hikmah.
Tapi semestinya ujian dari DIA membuatkan kita lebih berfikir,
lebih bermuhasabah,
lebih banyak tangis, rayu dan berharap pada DIA.

ALLAH, daku sayang pada MU.
Ampuni daku, ampuni dia, ampuni kami semua.

p/s: Mohon masa diputarkan adalah mustahil. 
Yang termampu ialah untuk mengubah diri sendiri. 
Baiki diri dan bersihkan hati.